The Beginning

Why haven’t they inventory a cure for cancer yet??? I am still patiently waiting (not really patient). This is my beginning. I plan to change up and improve the look of my blog, but not now. I need to get feelings down on paper….on screen.

I was sitting at the ENT’s office (Eat, Nose, Throat) almost put off that I had to take time out of my day to get this lump on my neck checked out. I had talked to many family members that all agreed this was something that was simple and would likely get just whacked off during some sort of simple procedure and I would be on my way with a couple pain pills that would prove for a productive weekend. As I sat longer, I would look over my shoulder at my wife who did a great job of acting cautiously optimistic. “We’ll be out of here soon”, she said. Why did I invite her to come along if we both thought it was simple.

The nurse came into the room to prepare a few items to aid in the examination. I made nervous small talk and watched as she pulled some tools from a towel and laid them out straight for easy retrieval. I asked her if they were busy today so some such a thing. I was talking out what seemed to be just nonsense. I just remember my last words to her…..”i am just ready for the doctor to get in here and tell me this is not cancer”. She just looked at me with a generic smile, not replying to my stretch for a positive response.

The doctor finally entered the room. He was very stiff. He was middle aged, seemed confident and didn’t flinch and any of my attempts at joking or sarcasm. He grabbed a few tools and looked under the hood and kicked the tires. He asked about my history with the Covid vaccine and other general questions, but as he spoke, I started slip into some sort of a different reality. This reality would involved me leaving this appointment with information that I had not anticipated. It’s like was animal and could smell what was going to happen next. He stood still and looked directly at me and said, “its cancer until its not”…..meaning that was his “swag at it”. I can’t tell what was said the rest of the appointment.

The next thing I remember, my wife was standing in front of me, holding my head, telling me, “we are ok” and “we got this”. She was so strong. She led me out of the appointment and to the car. A month later, after a biopsy of my neck, I was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma or Mantle Cell Lymphoma. My life would never be the same.